Life Aint that easy

Seriously , I wont forget what happen on Thursday 31st march 2011.
The moment which I battle between death and life.
Thanks God that Im still alive .
I was really get shock and my mind was so so so blank at the moment.
Maybe i could consider lucky because Im having accident when my boyfriend around me.
I just came back from my hometown that moment.
what happen if it happen in highway? I couldnt imagine that.

we actually plan go for date that day
but end up having date in police station. LOL
Then go for clinic for some body check up .
I'm glad that nothing happen on the another driver and his passenger .
Or else , I gonna regret and guilty for the rest of my life.
Its lucky that it just a minor wound.

Specially thank you to my boy for accompany me all the time.
You spend your time, patience,care and maybe love .
But is like I always end up with hurting you.
What the hell actually I want?
Is like
i want you be back with your ex because i think she's the one who suit you more.
or in another words ,maybe I just couldn't stand the pressure put on me.
would you make me less worries that there;s actually a HOPE for our future?

I'm tired of thinking.
having a relationship is like a timing bom.
I don't know.
Maybe all the guys are the same. Before they get you , they love you like hell.
but after , they start realize No ,she not mine.
Seriously , I do do do really want a very serious relationship.
but why every time , its end up with a broken up.
Isn't because I couldnt be that good enough ? or maybe I being too reliable?
I'm suffer in confusion, man.
I'm trying be myself.
but I'm always can't reject what actually I hate and I pretend that i like that.
maybe i;m the one who make whole things suck.
No one could really understand what I want and  what I don't.
when i say NO is actually I really meant it but when happen people keep asking for the second time
my heart was melt.
i wish i could be strong.
I want nothing but just a PURE love .
without any LIES ,BETRAY , FLIRT , FAKE feelings and so on.
when would it happen?
could someone tell me ?
 

I know maybe this time is.

I'm always accept a relationship when feelings come.

why?

because I feel that WHAT IF he is the right one?

why don;t take a chance to try and work it out?

no one knows who actually the right one

I'm not scare being alone or single/

perhaps I actually enjoy it

single without any worries and care about your partner.

but who know we meet the right person at the wrong time.

sigh

What actually i can do is

STOP think so much

girl

you're tired.

is time for your mind to rest.

time prove everything

I'm weak

i always choose to give up or let it go

I'm not actually that strong

pretending is really tiring

save me . could you?

make me trust that we're one at least for some period of time.

 I'm trying my best to fit your appetite and what i hope is 

love without worries.

secure 

protected

like what you told me on phone before we start relationship.

is that hard?

I wish to know. 

I'm afraid of taking chances anymore.

"Learn to develop pure and unconditional love
a love that has no sense of gain or loss ,
thats ask nothing in return in this way we can be free of worries"