Coincidental or Pretend ?

Came to another year end , I believe that everyone have their resolution for their better next year. One of my friends chat with me and asked me about this.  So , I just answer whatever things that came to my mind that time. I told him , I didn’t made any of it.
He sounds surprise and asked me why and I replied that every year I felt just the same routine. The only difference is one year older. And another reason why is because I don’t wanna make too high expectation on things that I wanted it to be.

I’m tired to be disappointed. 

Because I felt that when I putting too much expectation on things usually I don’t get it or maybe not like what I expected.
I know I might sound greedy. Everyone does so. 
You know what, dear; I don’t get your mind. everything was just coincidental or pretend.
I’m confusing the way you treat me. If our relationship more than one year+ maybe I can understand why you did so. But we don’t. we just start not even reach a month and everything kind a mess. 
Maybe that how u communicates with your ex before and you already used to be that way.
But, I’m not.  You never ask or even a word of concern how I going on today or maybe everyday.

 I received many messages and calls from friends wishing me happy new year  But every time , I get my phone and I start disappointed. Just because all msg n call not from you.
I’m childish, huh? I AM ! I need somebody could talk with me and at least concern. :(
Is that over ? –sigh-
I LOVE therefore I CARE.  I know over caring might be annoying.
So, I’m stuck myself in a dead road. Decide to love you more or love you less.

Lets fate decide~ you make me kek ki but at the same time you make me even love u more.   I’m tired and I don’t feel like writing more.

Our first visit - War Musuem : D

Recently fall in love with this song,   ~~ FAR AWAY – Nickelback~ ~

I keep on repeating this song. Represent all my feelings to you.  

You still remember ^what if^ song ? that’s the song that courage me to take a step further . :)

  I’m believed that we cannot Love when filled with suspicion, we cannot forgive when unwilling to believe, we cannot trust when filled with doubts.  


>XoXO< I’m excited for my upcoming birthday . I don’t wish much. I just hope somebody I love to celebrate with me and my all good good friends along ! I don’t need surprise . because with all of you with me , I happy enough ! haha. 28 / 2/ 2011 :)


-i want to upload all year pic but upload system seems down. just manage upload one :(

What If

-If YOU are the ONE, Then Us meeting here is FATE-

Alright, I update my blog like what I promise.

Tell me what u wanna know more about me in details?

Too much things I could talk about.

Or let me list it out.

Relationship

Probably the first one to come across

Hmm. Summarize it.

We used to be very close. And maybe both of us know what our heart want it to be.

Or maybe u can say I’m COWARD

Yes, I used to get hurt most of time. I not really wanna risk myself in this unnecessary pain.

But another voice in my head, said that. WHAT IF?

Cause we don’t or we CAN’t tell how the future gonna be like if we didn’t took this chance.

So, what should I do.

Perhaps, both of us have the same thought.

When I get older, I start do think twice.

A thing doesn’t come second time.

Either Start or let it go.

Maybe he was my soul mate. Who know?

I’m just worry things change after he not around me.

Family

First of all, I would apologize to my mum.

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t throw my temper that day.

I never understand how hard you use to take care of us.

SORRY, MUM.

Maybe I only know how u felt when I get to be mum.

Beside, Thanks DAD!

I love you both so so so much .

Thanks for giving a life.

Especially daddy , he gives all what we want.

He even accompanies me even he really tired.

I know I’m might be very “little princess” sometimes.  

He always keep his promise and fulfill us. J

I’m glad , thanks god.

Friendship

Okay , come to last one.

I love both of them.

No matter Taiping or Penang

Sometimes I used to sad in penang

Most people are stingy and more materialistic here.

You can’t exactly feel “YI HEI” here.

Flash back my secondary school life

I miss that moment.

Kah yan sacrifice a lot for me.

Thank you to you. J

I know sometimes you have your own problem but u always try your best to fit me .

Kah waai

Thank you for giving me so much fun.

I don’t know why I like to suan siao you. Haha.

And others. –steff, Hui theng ,jia nee, deena, khai ling

Our relationship might not seem as crazy as it seem. But I enjoy every single moment we together.

Kai kor ,Kai di and KSG

Thanks for support me every single second when I’m down.

Love you all a lot

Life wont be that perfect to me without you guys.

P/s : I love you. 

P &P

Life is that FUN ! :)

Family now ,Family always + eugene .wont miss u out ! :)

Yeah Man ! :D
You know what ?
Recently ,i found out that slowly I love my life i used to own.
In previous post in my blog, i mentioned that life in loneliness..
maybe, i need rethink about it again. Life that i own now. not everyone have it.
Especially , everyone that craving for it.
so, why should i make a complain about it again?
as we know that everyone were not that perfect.
unless they make a changes about it.or else,everything just stuck it.
yes, i had make a changes. i look to the deeper side .
I shouldnt too close-minded in certain things. especially when come to relation part.
Hmm, I shall enjoy the SINGLE life now.
who knows i dislike in relation in future?

yea. single lady ! :)
in other thought, i used to think about my parent.'how much they sacrifice for me?
They love me more than everyone else.
especially my dad, he never scold me even i used to be the large-spender in the family.
i guess no other man would do it for me.
compare to my friends, actually. i'm much luckier.
a lot of things i used to have and get pampered too much but they don't.
so girl, dont depress or think of stupid things which u shouldnt.
because i believe that sooner i will have better want in future. :)

haha.yesterday was really a fun day. doing all funny thins in field opposite my hostel. haha
playing all stuff that havent try before.
like marching .oh ! which i hate the most in secondary school. but yesterday. haha. we played it cool.
chicken dance. really cute game ! i love it. pupupu~ xD
running 100m , sumo , and throw to the air. waa~
but , we miss out taking photo. :(
too enjoy the game already.
i found out that.without planning everything go even smoothly.
life not according to plan .maybe its true.




a part of it, i wan share some picture here.
instead of making my blog look dull :D cheer up ! tiv

My first night in the pub :)

Thanks to them ,my life were spray with ultimate colours.

Me ! -prom night 24/9/2010-

Photo of the day ! i like this because the surroundings n the light effect . kinda cool =)

 

 

 

-Soi 11-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you guys ! great gratitude from me. thanks for memories that we share and owned. =)

~Don't regret with what you doesn't belong just be glad that you once owned it before. ~

life in loneliness.

most of my friends thought i was happy go lucky type.
because previously i wouldnt show out how sad or depress i am.
i'm NOT ! i'm human either.
i will felt depress and need someone really accompany me.
feeling tired always happen to me.
it doesnt matter which part of it.
i felt in every part of my life was never wonderful.
just because u didnt treat me that fair. WHY?
cant u make it fair and square?
i'm just a teen yet i cant able to love .
depression make me think alot. i'll tried control my emotion.
i really have a low EQ. what a brain i have.
having difficult thinking. unable to control emotion
i'm NOt that though like u thought.even i try to pretend it.
this time really critical stage. i really wanna know what do u want from me.
yes.what do u want from me. tell me .dont let me guess it myself. i will insane soon

whats around me?

Okie. let have some update for this lonely page.
i know ,it been a decade for me not update this page.
nothing much happen. like normal human use to face.
Happy ? sad? Miserable? dying ?
well ,frequently what happen to me is.

i felt that very hard for me to be that positive i used to be before.
everyone around me had change.
from maybe negative to positive and of course wont miss out the opposite too
hmm. honestly, i not really like much the changes.
the truth fact is i dont really like myself either.
i dont know what the reason for my changes
maybe like others use to said.
different environment . the main want.
totally no idea for that.
stressful with everything around me. like everthing seem not really go according what i expected.
WHY?
 why should i know ? or find out what i really shouldnt know.
i often getting tired. to questioning for the answer.
u never let me know either.the fact is whateva u been trying to hide wouldnt hide for forever.
MATURE ! how hard would it be?
 i been trying like hell ! gosh ! I'm tired !
i knew i wont be the person u could proud of. and i never be since i was young.
but one days ! i will be that PERSON !
no more hesitate! GO ! 

enjoyment =D

lets continue what happen in Penang
again .
one word that i could say is freaky Awesome ~

how to describe?

meet a company of cool and friendly people.

never thought that happen.

but i shouldnt forget my mission and target i come here so.

yeah,target.

i should train myself being for discipline right now.

if not,these enjoyment i had now was only a drug to drag me to hell.

i must be very wise.

cannot overdose in using it.

what should i say some more?

exam?

assignment?

awww..come on!

is just like form5 time.

which i use to do on last minute.

burn the midnight oil

or eleventh hour.

Zzzz..

i know i not suppose be in this way.

but its already a habit for me.

Lazy-ness.

=D

tomorrow gonna be Friday.yeah..

hopefully ,that kah Yan n kah Waai could make their plan come penang meet me.

then ,then,its gonna be Sunday .

woooHoo..

elephant coming !!!!!!!!

getting excited with that !

this time,hope we manage watch 3D movies.

i think we can.

coz release of Ironman 2 and IP man 2 already drop other movies down ,down n down.

so,baby.we can Watch! hehe.

but dont be too happy yet.

sunday is very "laku" day for GSC in Gurney.

imagine Ironman 2 ticket already fully booked until monday d.

how keng.

thats Penang. 

hahahs.

Oppps.

gonna prepare go for class now.

Bye.blog ! =D 

Penang life part 1

 Bloggie~Mummy back blog again.=))

Alright ,lets me write how my life in college now.

Its been the 3 weeks already.

Times really flies.

Everything gone fine.

Don’t know what happen on me during the second week.

I was so so so miserable

Felt so sad.

After the 1^st week I back my hometown.

I felt that he was not that into me.

I was so moodless for the whole week.

Din even feel wanna reply any text except his ones.

Crazy right?

Yes,I am. .

I couldn’t explain whether I just like or love or whatever .

Then. . .

I read a magazine.

Its teach me a lot.

Slowly I try not always look at my phone.

Even though ,I knew he din reply

Lets us have some space.

A simple short msg from him really make me keep on smiling.=)

In 2^nd week,I work for Pikom Pc fair,Penang

-MY PASS- .

A good experience for me to learnt

For the 1^st time I work for others.

At least ,I manage sold one laptop.

THE CROWD IN PC FAIR

Try influence customer buy not really easy.

However, customer always the right ones.

Forget about it,

I take MC on Sunday.

Feel bad as I already promise Ivan to work 3days/

LILY + ME =PIKOM PC FAIR

Sorrie~

But I don’t want miss any chances to spend time with elephant.=D

Yeah,he keep his promise.

He seems so tired.

But he still tries spending time and hanging out with every place I wanna visit.

I knew he was disappointed

So do i.

We cant manage buy tickets for 3D clash of titans.

Sad.

I cant stop laughing when we almost lost in Gurney plaza.

Run here and there.

And we go beach.

The weather was so hot.

SS-ING WHILE SUM1 KEEP COMPLAIN.XD

I hope next time we can come again together.

Play banana boat which I hoping for so long to try.

Haven’t end yet.

Then we go Prangin Mall.

To spend our time again

Hehe.:))

And actually find sweater for me.

Cause I got not sweater.

My sweater don’t know put where d. xD

He buy me a Giordano Sweater.

Another gifts from him.

Happie-nyer.

Hahaha.

i wear everyday go college.

I didn’t felt hot even I wear it at noon hours.

Maybe I was too happy and the sweater like got built in with air con.

Haha.

KSG buy things wor.

Its was like Once in a blue Moon.

Now ,now.

3^rd week le.

Assignment deadlines in next month.

And my mid term exam ‘too.

Don’t u’stand whats been Mr Johnson talking about.

He just keep on Blah,blah,blah.

Then fly to chapter 6 now.

Everyone in my class so blurred .

The only thing you can learn in college life is Independent.

U cant be too reliable on the lecturer.

U must find out the answer by ur own.

No other ways.

I feel really sad with my parents.

They don’t have rational thinking

Always just consider on them and their feelings only.

Do they think about their children feeling?

Argued without tolerance.

Both want to win in the rat race.

What for?

Pity for my siblings.

They phone me and I’m felt sorry for them.

I cant even do anything/

Haihs.

Mum keep ask me concentrate on my studies.

But do she think I can concentrate with that kind of situation.

Why she need find things to quarrel.

Wouldn’t that just childish?

I going back my hometown this week.

Miss all of them a lot.

~"If u love something,set it FREE-If it comes back,its yours-If it doesn't,it Never was"  ~

baby ~

"you know u love me

i know u care

just shout whenever and i'll be there. =) "

nice song intro from justin bieber.

so sweet.

remind me of you

wow..

this week really really very a rush weekend.

every decision came on mind in sudden.

all last minute jobs.

i'm register in kDU,penang 

find near by apartment as hostel was fully book.

feel kinda regret rent the apartment 

but what to do, already pay deposit.

just need to be patient for a month lor.

need to ready packed my things all.

keep wondering 

izzit right for me to quit NS like this?

pray hardly ..................MY GOD,please !

dont call back!

start feel don want leave now.

should i choose Utar as most of my friends apply there.

haihs.

my fees and living expenses ~~~

plan to work part time while study.

gonna start make alot lotsa friends.

in the meanwhile ,

of course 

i'm really excited for this new adventure.

something FUN gonna happen. 

weeEeee~

i hope he keep promise visit me every week when he free lor.

and of course i wished all my friends come penang find me LEPAk.

hahas.

almost forget what i promise my dad d.

i'll study hard as well.

i promise myself WONT fail every single exam in KDU 

need pay for it if u FAIL .

walao......

maybe i get my diploma then cabut d.

maybe change to KL pula.

new environment ma.

i still have a week in tpg.

anyone want hang out with me?

LOLS.

hopefully i make this decision are right lor.

penang,Here i come ! 

muacks ! =XoXo

who i am when i'm with you . .

yeppie.finally i get the chances to pay a visit at UTAR,kampar.

wow.da west lake really amaze me.

wonderful

i could say.

nice environment 

atmoshpere 

everythings was great as well EXCEPT the accomadation.

it was really out ouf my imagination.

extremely SMALL room and need pay rm200++ per month.

still in consideration ,btw. . .

haihs.

i'm really headache.! 

i hate making decision.

=(

i could strongly felt some human started make her/his distance from me.

i'm sad.

but i'm understand why he/she did so.

it just like "Already Gone-kelly Clarkson"

"When we came this road, someone gotta GO"

Nice moments always just temporarily. WHY?

couldnt we extend it to permanent?

i dont want but i have to.

i know she/he did this so i wont felt so hurt in the end.

but she/he wouldnt know how much i need his/her accompany now.

i just left 13days by now.

every singles day, make me even felt deeper dont want to be apart .

arrrrggggggggggggh!!

feel really wanna cry it out !!

sobs..

can Doraemon borrow me his Time Miracle Machine?

i need it now.

help ! x<

hale lu ya r...............................~~

Tadaaa. . .finally all my hard work pays off !!

Before I take my SPM result ,I was like what. . .

my shop was really lack of worker therefore I need go back to work after taking my result..

I understand his situation

But. . ..

I was really hope I could have a long holiday after get the result.

Minimum 3days, I hope.=(

I would like to say this year maybe not a good year.

Our government had strictly banned us to hired maid from Indonesia .

All because some irresponsible and cruel employers were caught abuse their maid..

Due this situation, other employers who really need foreign worker to work for them get mad.

Include my dad . . .

Of course we couldn’t blame our people as well.

Some maid was cruel either.

*sigh*

By the way. . .

I’m really satisfied with my result lar.

Didn’t expected

When I’m taking spm time, I working too..

Half work and take exam at the same time.

Of course ,I really stressful that time.

Almost everyday I’m giving up in studying.

I always believe that doing good deeds eventually help us too. ^^

I haven’t get my letter for national service .

I had to go at 28th march 9.30a .m .=(

Kem Dusun Rimba or Desa Rimba ,kuala kangsar.

whatever

Forget about the camp name .

I really feel don’t want to leave.

My parents really need my help right now.

In dilemma ..my gosh !

I would like to share this with everyone.

--“doing good deeds & showing goodwill’s” ---

typically getting mature ;)

Why BOYS could be SELFISH and yet GIRLS still HUNT for them ?

Sounds unfair right?

These questions often play in my mind recently.

Basically, I felt this for my friend.

I don’t get the point why she still wait him since he already told her that he wanted be alone.

Maybe I don’t exactly understand her situation  and need la.

But hopefully she will start let go and move forward ~

From the point we fell down, we will start be mature and grow up.

Don’t scare to fall down !

You just runaway from facing the reality of life.

Stand and speak out !

Is easy to say but hard to do.

Because ,I facing the same crisis too.

Being girl is really totally tough !

You need maintain your body posture, face, skin, hair, clothing.

To make sure your bf or husband wont find another.

I’m kinda humble with myself.

Dark skin, fat, dark circles and back humps.

Trying hard to overcome this method but still. . . .

*sigh*

Using all kind of essence.

That’s lady who hunt for Beauty always.

My friend often tell me ,why the ONE we LOVE don’t love us whereas the ONE that we DON’T, keep follow us.

---Complicated.---

~Age gap and maturity level probably is our main problems I think.~

Got mess up with those relationship .

No matter what, I promise that I WONT be HURT !

So, don’t worried bout me. =)

If you wished to owe it than u have to sacrifice !

I do willing too. . .

Fate make da decision lor.

Wait after I back from NS only decide ba.

Believe on me.

I don’t think this time is PUPPY or monkey love or whateva anymore ..

But I not sure with what I really wanted.

And I couldn’t speak out.

If we really had FATE ,probably shouldn’t be a problems anymore !

Life have to goes on ! yeah ~

*p/s : if you love me let me know ,if not please gently let me go . .*

Pick up from one of the love quotes =)

happie 5 and Half ! xD

Happie B’day to ME !! xD

Wee~many of my friends keep teasing me as my actual birthday suppose on 29th feb which only 4years once.

TEASING, teasing n teasing.~

They also plan a birthday party for me.

On 25th feb and venue at THE GATE.

Fortunately everything was gone very well lar.

I suppose.

After work, go kah yan’s house take bath, preparing like make up, dressing all stuff.

Then we go our party sharp at 8.00pm like what we plan.

Pity kah yan .get injured on her toe again.

Seeing her walk up and down stairs to wait for all friends that she invite .

Actually, its already a big birthday gift from her .=)

Thanks , DEAR ! .

One by one coming .without realize already 9.00pm.

How fast the time was. IMAGINE !

We just manage make our order that time.

Then, I send a text for kor to delay my time again. =X

Catching picha while waiting our food.

Meanwhile,they just keep joking.

Really make me non- stop laughing.

Haha.

After take our meal ,my surprise arrive finally !

Singing BiRTHDAY song ,blow candles and make wish. Hehe..

I wish that every year I also can celebrate with you all ,my buddies .

Let EDMUND cheat on me.

He say the last candles must be special and ask me take it by mouth. LOLS

He just wanted push my head onto the cake.

Luckily I manage to escape .=P..

Playing with the cream.

I hit Edmund occasionally .haha.

Who ask him playing fool on me. Bleuks.

Go FUNFAIR at about 10pm .

Playing GHOST train.

eDmund as leader [bcoz he is the only guy]

follow by 7monkeys including me.

Not really that scary lar.but I just cant stop screaming that time.

excited ma.^^

phone kor for fetch.

He look like PAO SKY only.

Maybe bcoz of my delay make him so rush.

We manage take around at lake then back on 11.00pm lor

Anyway, I was really HAPPIE that day.

But after today, the day will start to be tougher.

As my maid had to be sent back to her country.

I need to do housework everyday.

Really got me so exhausted and extremely tired.

=(

Forget about that, Life could be better !

Cheer up ,babe !! =)

                                               

who attended (cant c ayuni n hui theng ) aiks..

darling feed me. ^^

my Bday's cake..awWwww~

going cut my cake ,=)

make a wish !! x)

get caught ! ( hmmm,edmund ! be prepare.i ready a pail of cream for ur bday ! )

cleaning progress .:)

divide it now and enjoy the cream ! =)

 chayang~mummy..=O

gotcha .muacks ! :-X

Happie Chinese New Year ! weeeee~

Hehe..i had a great rest just now.

Sleeping for the whole afternoon.xD..

So now,I spend sometimes to update blog again.

Too bored d.

Kah yan got asked me out but I really tired lar.

Haihs. L sorrie ,syg..

Lets me share with you ,

How I spend my time during this Chinese new year.

Hehe.

Start on 13^th feb lor.

An really make me get SHOCK on that day.

Well, I work like usual on that day but just for half day lar.

On sharp 11.30pm I go buy chicken bone for my doggie that time.

After I done my stuff, I drive back to my shop .

Oh goodness ! florist shop deliver ROSE with TEDDY for me.

I really JAMMED that time.

1^st ,I thought is Kah yan bought for me.

Coz she say she will bought something for me on Valentine.

So I looked at my bro n asked him.

He answered No.

When I back Home ,I receive msg frm Peter.

Then I know who give me this surprise d.

Really appreciate it.

After that, going my relatives house for dinner .

Chinese new year Eve ma.

Back home around 9.30pm lar.

Celebrate Mum’s birthday

Blow candles

Gamble ,gamble, gamble.

Peter text me again.

Asking me wait outside my porch.

So,I do like what he ask.

I really cant imagine that.

Beautiful Firecracker!!

So nice !

Like romantic movie will do.

I always dream that my bf would do this stuff for me,

cant believe that my dream came true.

But why I like no feeling want.

Standing blur blur there.

*sigh*

After all relatives went home ,

He asked me again

I reject him again.

Sorrie ,peter !!

I do appreciate all your hard work.

But .really apologizes for it.

Hope eu understand ~ =)

 

hehe..roses had been pluck out b4 i manage tahe it picha x(

nice teddy.^^

i reli dont know that it was REAL roses until stEF told me..haaha..